Day 15: Pure Love through Free Will to Stop Ego

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that when I need / want / desire another to tell me they ‘love me‘ – I am really saying that I want them to tell me that they value everyone else less than me – that I am more worthy of ‘being loved’ / cared about / considered than any other being
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the reason I want another to tell me that I am more worthy than everyone else of being loved / cared about / considered — is because I have never actually considered myself, never cared about myself, never loved myself — I have placed these things outside myself, I have decided that these things do not exist in myself, that I cannot give them to myself – and thus I look for someone else to give them to me — but within this I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that no one can ‘give me’ love — because, they are just saying words — the feeling I get when they say the words exists in ME – I am generating it through having defined love / care / worth / consideration in separation of myself, as something that must be confirmed to me through another – and when someone tells me they love me, I am receiving ‘confirmation’ that I am ‘loved’ apparently — but in reality, it is just an energetic high based on my self belief that I am so special because someone is willing to tell me they value me above everyone else = it is EGO
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus not see that love is evil – the evil of defining the soul purpose of my existence to ‘be loved’ – which is to have other beings value me more than everyone else — the ultimate EGO trip
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in spirituality and new age as a method of generating the feeling of love inside me through focusing on an elaborate story in my mind in which I am the star of the universe, saying to myself ‘I am love’, ‘I am compassion’, ‘I am oneness’, ‘I am beauty’ – giving myself an energetic high as Ego through believing whatever I want about myself — wherein thus spirituality has assisted me to empower myself to glorify myself and elevate myself to the highest value in existence through self belief / self religion, even to the point where I can just sit alone and meditate myself / visualize myself into an energetic experience of love / bliss without needing a relationship
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that generating energetic experiences of feelings inside me does not equate to ‘loving everyone’ — because, if I loved everyone – if I loved all life equal – I would make sure that every moment of my time is spent working toward establishing a new world system based on what is best for all so that all life can be supported, and I would remove all self interest and positive / negative value judgments from within me so that I could stand one and equal with all that is here, everyone that is here and walk as long as it takes assisting and supporting all in existence to stop self interest and do what is best for all – so that life can be free as all as equal as one and is no longer trapped in so called ‘spiritual paths’ involving suffering, pain, neglect, starvation, rape, war, abuse
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world where family is based on individuals valuing their own family more than all other beings, thus manifesting the relationship of humanity as a whole as constant conflict and war between self interest – thus manifesting a world of fear of loss, where one accepts an abusive money system out of the desperation of trying to survive to just provide for one’s self and one’s family – instead of everyone valuing each other as life equally – wherein then everyone would stand together and give to each other the best – thus manifesting a world that is best for all – a real family of Life
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing a definition of love based on a self interested ego trip to make someone feel better about themselves where they want another to tell them they are more valuable than any other being and than life itself
I commit myself to align my values with what is best for all life – and within this commit myself to changing the starting point of my relationships from that of self interest / fear of loss, to agreements between equals based on practical living in support of each other to live to the fullest in ways that are best for all – so that me and my relationships can stand as an example of real family based on Life as value – so that when I bring a child into this world I am not going to create rotten fruit that perpetuates the evil of love through its own relationships through brainwashing it with my own evil ways of love as self interest 
Therefore I dedicate myself to walking a process of self honesty and self forgiveness to uncover all my patterns of evil as self interest / separation, and stop them, empty myself of them – in realizing I have allowed myself to be created / programmed as the rotten fruit of polluted soil – and I purify myself with self corrective statements and re-definitions based on the value of Life in considering what is best for all, so that I can plant myself in this world as a new seed from which only what is best for all will grow, and so that when I have children, I will not pass on to them the pollution that was passed on to me
Thus I commit myself to live the realization that to change this world I cannot just change the outer – because the outer is the product of the inner — and so I must purify myself as who I am using my free will to decide to be what is best for all Life.

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