I’m sitting down to type this blog because I’ve come to be aware of a particular design of thoughts and emotion that runs in the back of my mind almost constantly, but subtly. I experience a stress connected to the thoughts of:
‘time is passing by / slipping away’, ‘I am running out of time’, ‘I am losing time’, and ‘there is not enough time’.
Attached to these thoughts are pictures, where I’m seeing myself ‘living my life’, like watching a character in a movie, within a visual framework of decades – my 30s, my 40s, my 50s, etc. Kind of like looking at a calendar with boxes stretching into the future. And each decade has an increased sense of myself / my life becoming shorter and shorter, and then this comes to an end at around my 80s, which I see I have given a strong association of ‘becoming aged / old’, and ‘my life ending’. There is like a wall of blackness which is ‘the end of my life / the end of my time’. In addition to this visual representation of Decades, I also see myself within a similar framework / boxes of days and weeks, with weeks turning into months, and months turning into years , which connect into the decades which I experience that I am ‘advancing into’, moving ever toward and within this sense of ‘time becoming shorter’, and ‘I am losing time‘, and ‘my life is moving toward its end’. So I’m going to call this the ‘Design of the Fear of Running out of Time’.
I can see that this design of seeing this idea of myself moving forward in my mind through the decades of my life toward ‘the end’ of my life, is the primary cause of moments in my day to day life where I experience a stress of ‘time being too short’, and ‘not having enough time’, and ‘fear of getting older and missing my chance’. Not to say that I DO have endless time in this life, I don’t see a need to form that idea or belief either. The reason I’m deconstructing this design is because I don’t want the experience of stress and fear in the background, defining my experience of living my life day to day. I can see that I don’t in fact need a fear of losing time to motivate me to live fully and take action with creating what I want to create in life, moment by moment, day by day. I don’t want an experience of stress and fear to influence my experience of living and expressing myself. I can see that that is just a result and product of still defining myself according to and within the ‘system’ idea of life, as defined by ‘going to school, getting a job, having a career, retiring, then dying.’ Yes aspects of that are a real part of life in this world as it is, but the fear aspect / the emotional and stress aspect, and the point of being haunted by the thought that ‘time is running out’ — I don’t want that to be the Directive Principle of how I experience my time and myself. So I’m going to walk some Self Forgiveness statements on this design, and also explore which words I can redefine in a way that supports me in giving life to my expression and living, rather than giving life to fears and thought patterns that accumulate into stress energy.
Self Forgiveness and Self Commitment Statements
Thoughts / self talk: ‘time is passing by / slipping away’, ‘I am running out of time’, ‘I am losing time’, and ‘there is not enough time’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as they come up in my mind, believe in the thoughts / statements of: time is slipping away from me, time is running out, I am losing time, and to believe that I am telling these things to myself, instead of seeing and realizing that these thoughts come up automatically with emotional charges attached, showing that they are a program running, and it is not in fact ‘me communicating with myself’.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it ‘makes sense’ to have these thoughts, because of the fact that time is limited, and I will die at some point.
Images / pictures: seeing myself as a picture within a framework of days, weeks, months, years, and decades
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself / define myself and my life, within an image / picture of me moving through boxes of time toward my death, in my head, instead of seeing that I am not a picture in my head, I am here physically, in each moment of breath, which is where my actual life and living takes place, and wherein I am able to work with schedules and time practically, without seeing myself constantly in my head moving forward toward my death.
When and as I see myself accessing pictures / images of myself in my head ‘moving toward the end of my life’, I commit myself to stop, and rather place my focus and attention on seeing myself Here, in this moment, in THIS DAY, which is where I actually am, and within that focus on living fully and expressing and enjoying myself here TODAY as a mini lifetime.
Emotions / energies: dread, worry, fear, desperation
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I am experiencing the emotional energy of ‘dread, worry, fear, and desperation’ of ‘running out of time‘, it is because I have accepted and allowed myself to firstly participate in and believe in the thoughts and pictures in my head, of myself moving through boxes of time toward ‘the end of my life’, where now the emotional energies have activated, because both the thoughts and the energies that go with them, form the Design of ‘fear of running out of time’, that I programmed myself with.
When and as I see myself experiencing / going into emotional energies of of ‘dread, worry, fear, and desperation’ of ‘running out of time’, I commit myself to stop, and look at what thoughts I firstly participated in, and let go of those / forgive those, and bring myself back Here to the physical moment / day I am in, and assess what time I have to work with and what I want to do with it / what my priorities are.
So in terms of the word Time, the way I would like to redefine this for myself, is by seeing that the Time that is most relevant for me to work with / give my attention to, is the Moment of Breath, and the Day of ‘many breaths’, which is what I can work with practically, in terms of how I want to live my day and what I want to participate in within myself. I mean, part of my fear of losing time, comes from seeing that I’m actually wasting time thinking about ‘moving toward the end of my life and running out of time‘. So the fear of running out of time is like a self fulfilling prophecy. If I define myself and my life as ‘constantly losing time’, then that’s how I’m going to experience myself and my time.
So within this, when and as I see myself thinking how old I am, and how many decades might I possibly ‘have left’, I commit myself to stop, and let go of these thoughts, and bring my attention back Here to ME, and focus on living to my fullest right here, today, because then the idea of ‘how long I might have left’ doesn’t really matter, because I am living to my fullest within the time I can work with today.
I commit myself to also check in with myself and ask myself – am I using my time today / in this moment, the way I really want to?
I commit myself to not take my moment of time / my day for granted, but to utilize the gift of the time I have each day, to live fully, and move myself within creating the things I want to create. And within this if I see that my time / schedule for things needs to be adjusted, I can simply look at how that might practically be done, where within this no fear or desperation or stress is necessary.
Within this all, I commit myself to recognize and live the Timelessness of the Life / Source / Essence within and as myself, within the ‘physical space time’ I have to work with.
Check out the Desteni “I” Process courses to learn more about this kind of writing and self work: https://lite.desteniiprocess.com/